Luciana: 5 months

Luciana turned five months old on June 9 (also my big brother's birthday!).

She weighed 12 pounds! She's getting big! She's big and sturdy enough now too that we can hold her flying and her daddy can engage in rough play and make Mama worried.

Most parents stop swaddling their babies around this time in order to prepare for the rolling stage. Not us. All of a sudden she started wanting to sleep in her bed at night, but couldn't seem to get comfortable for more than a few moments before hitting herself in the face. So we started swaddling her. She started sleeping 7-9 hours every other night, and after a few weeks, slept through the night nearly every night (Hallelujah!), with a brief regression when she finally figured out rolling. It came as such a surprise! I wasn't expecting it to happen for a long time. I am still very grateful for it. She even takes her naps in bed and more or less settled into a napping schedule - one late morning, one late afternoon, and a short one in the evening to carry her through until her bedtime. She started out falling asleep around midnight or so, but has slowly been working her way backwards to a 10-11pm bedtime.

Napping at my church office

Her absolute favorite activity is gnawing on our fingers or on her own fist. She loves especially to gum on them where her molars will be. This causes tons of drool.

She is so much more interested in the world now. When she is eating, she is easily distracted by things going on around her. Once Roman was talking to me when I was feeding her, and I spoke back with a loud tone after being quiet for a long time. She pulled away, surprised and then, I swear it, gave me a dirty look for interrupting her. Most of the time she stops eating just to smile at me and look around.

She really enjoys her playmat and we are starting to experiment with the jumperoo, though she's a bit too small. She much prefers this to her two chairs, one of which we had to retire since she refused to sit in it anymore. No big surprise, since she always wants to be standing. Her absolute favorite toy is a flat blue elephant with crinkly paper in it. She's getting good at controlling her hands and putting things in her mouth. She can hold her own bottle. She reaches up and holds onto my face sometimes when we're looking at each other - it's very sweet. We've noticed this month in general that her hands are mostly open instead of mostly in fists and she is losing her cross-eyed focus. She reaches for her toes but doesn't really seem to know they are hers yet.

I do still wear in her my stretchy wrap, but it's getting a little too warm for it. It's impossible to wear her now at church now while I play with the band but we nearly always can find a willing volunteer to hold her for a few moments.

I usually assume that she is probably delayed in her development - maybe because she is so small (still in 0-3 month clothes), or maybe to compensate for my fear of having unreasonable expectations of her. I happened to see a checklist of five-month milestones and was surprised to see that she had hit them all, including recognizing her name, which I hadn't even noticed had happened. (It probably helps that I sing her name to her all day long.)

When she turned four months old, I also went back to work at Gordon, my 20-hour office job. This means I now have a base of 40 hours of work plus my free-lancing each week. It felt great to get back to work on the one hand, but it is tricky to figure out the new patterns. I also never really wanted my two part-time jobs to equal a full-time job, so that is something I now need to figure out. Roman is mostly working evenings these days, though, so we don't have to get a baby-sitter terribly often. They love going grocery shopping together - she gets lots of attention from all the people there and usually gets really excited.

Visiting me at work!

Sometimes I wonder if she will love me less than other babies love their mamas since I'm away from her for long stretches, and love her papi more, but I realize that is silly and irrational. Her love is deep and innocent and true, and there's certainly plenty to go around, and I think it is very special that they have this time together.

At Papi's Graduation!

In general, a very happy month.

We love you, Luciana.

Luciana: Four months

I had been a little nervous about this month. The famed fourth trimester was over and maybe we had to start thinking about being more careful with how we treated Luciana, now no longer a newborn. However, it seemed most of the things that could have been troublesome she had already taken care of for us. She already had started putting herself to a nap in her chair instead of in my arms and her interest in the world kept her from snuggling with me all day long. Once we got there, I felt I didn't actually have to worry.

On her four month well-baby check-up on May 9, she weighed 10 pounds and 12 ounces, was 22.5 inches tall/long, and her head was 15.5 inches around. Precisely double her birth weight! Part of the reason I like my pediatrician so much is that he doesn't talk a lot about percentiles. Moms do enough comparing and worrying about their babies - I don't want that to be encouraged in me; I prefer to let Luciana be Luciana. She is growing well and eating well, and even getting a bit of chunk on her!

At her appointment she was very alert and her usual social self, and the doctor was very pleased with her interactions. She showed off her awesome EC skills and peed in the sink on cue before getting naked to be weighed on the scale. The doctor teased her about being so social he needed to do some six-month tests and that with her potty skills she must think she's two years old!

The most exciting thing that happened this month was that she started sleeping one 4-6 hour stretch every night, and sometimes two long stretches. It's amazing how much better a night is when you get to sleep a long stretch - I had forgotten what that was like!

She sucks on her hands a lot, sometimes so hard that she gags herself. She also stares at them so intently her eyes cross.

She still loves to stand whenever possible. Her daddy can get an adorable giggle and laugh out of her, and they continue to enjoy interactive conversations. She and I spend a lot of time singing, which every once in a while she will initiate. She now notices her hanging toys and sometimes reaches for them.

She loves smiling at herself in the mirror. Her adorable little smile is no longer a full-head experience, but it still involves her tongue, which is so cute. She is starting to put everything in her mouth that she can and we often find her with her tongue out.

She can't roll over yet but she often rolls to her side and then gets frustrated. When she is sleepy, her eyes still get red, but now she knows how to rub them.

This was not a super-happy month, especially for the first few weeks as she went through a growth spurt. Lots of fussing, relatively speaking. On the other hand, she has become very interested in her environment and spends lots of time looking around.

I still wear her all wrapped up which we both enjoy. She's starting to get a little too big to wear at church - when I sit at the piano the microphone is right where her head is!

We are getting used to our new patterns around here, and I personally am starting to feel back to some kind of normal - something I realize I haven't really felt since before I was pregnant. I finished up an incomplete at school, and have played several gigs. We've gone to the beach a few times and planted our garden.

Overall, it's more or less back to normal life around here, we just have another little person with whom to enjoy it.

Luciana: 3 months!

Luciana turned three months old last Tuesday. My goodness, the time does fly.

A review of her third month and some 3 month pictures:

Three months was a happy month for Luci! She spent most of her awake moments smiling and interacting with people around her, much to the delight of her mama. She would flash a grin at strangers in the grocery store, greet us with smiles after naps and absences, and beam at us whenever we got close enough for her to recognize us. She loves to have long and intelligent conversations with Papi, practicing all sorts of vowels and intonations. It is amazing how long you will sit and wait for a smile from a baby!

Luci smiling at Papi!

She likes to suck on her hands. I don't love this! I'm hoping it's a phase of exploration, especially since she doesn't do it when she's falling asleep. (She also is very selective about when and which pacifier she will take!)

Another new accomplishment was that she started being able to fall asleep on her own without being held. During the day when she was happy I'd put her in her favorite chair. She'd coo and smile for a while, she'd look around for a bit, and the next thing I knew she'd be asleep. It happened completely by accident for the first few days but then I started trying to put her down at just the right time to let her nap. 

Nighttimes continued to be challenging as she would not sleep in her own bed and woke every 1-2 hours to eat. Saddest of all, she no longer enjoys sleeping all snuggled on my chest. 

She is growing well. We estimate she was around 9.5 pounds at 3 months. She looks so big to us even though she is still the size of some newborns! It is already hard to conceive that she used to be so tiny that our hands were wider than her back and that she could fit in those precious teeny preemie clothes. She is making a long transition from newborn clothes (mostly too small) to 0-3 month clothes (mostly too big) and still wears newborn diapers. Here's a fun comparison!

February 5 vs April 1

She is pretty good at communicating and we can often understand the following:

I would like to eat soon please.

FEED ME NOW!

I'm kind of sleepy and I think I might take a nap all by myself. 

I am very tired and need help falling asleep.

Please take me to the potty.

No, thank you, I do not want to use the potty right now!

Hmm, I'm uncomfortable.

Something is really hurting me!

How come no one is paying attention to me right now?

Why did you put me down? You've totally ruined my day.

We know best that she is hungry because she does the "woodpecker" against your neck and chest (a month ago she would just start sucking on your neck) and occasionally throws her whole body in the general direction of where she perceives there might be milk. When she is really tired her eyes get all red and puffy. She doesn't like having a blanket on her and always kicks it off. (She has hated being swaddled for a while now - we gave that up way back at week 3.) She loves to stand (supported) and has strong legs! 

She's stayed with three baby-sitters so far and had plenty of evenings home with Daddy while I'm off playing with orchestras. We still spend lots of days at home just the two of us, at least two a week.

When Luciana was born, I didn't necessarily have that instantaneous love and deep connection that some people feel. I was smitten with her and couldn't stop looking at her and discovering new things about her. But it felt awkward and not genuine somehow to say that I loved her. Someone asked me a few weeks after she born if I was head over heels in love with her and I said I'm not sure. And the individual continued, well, does it hurt your heart to leave her? No, it didn't. It still doesn't. But I'm awfully glad to come home to her when I'm gone. 

Somewhere along the way though I came to truly adore and cherish and love this beautiful little creation. One day this month I heard myself tell her that I loved her and it no longer felt strange. And every day love goes deeper and hurts your heart more in its purity and beauty. (Is this really how God loves me? Amazing.) I can't believe she came from me. She is a gift.

The saddest thing that has happened is that somehow I lost all the pictures and videos from my phone from when Luci was born until today. I'm not sure what I did but it is tragic*. I'll just have to stare at her extra long. And post more pictures for you later from Roman's phone!

[Preview for four months: Definitely not as happy as three months. What's with the fussy baby? However, she has a great new accomplishment. Here's a hint: it starts with s and ends with leep!]



*I wrote this post before hearing about the explosions at the Boston marathon happening at about the same time. Losing hundreds of pictures and videos seems so trivial compared to the true tragedies of life. I love my city.

Two months of Luciana

Luciana turned two months old on her aunt's birthday, March 9.

Here are her accomplishments so far:

She is growing! She was born at 5 pounds 6 ounces and almost 19 inches long. She dropped to 4 pounds 13 ounces. At three weeks she had regained to 5 pounds 7 ounces. At six weeks she weighed in around 6.5 pounds. At her doctor visit this week she was up to 7 pounds 7 ounces and 21 inches long! She has outgrown her preemie clothes and some of her newborn clothes because of her length. She no longer kicks off her newborn pants in a matter of moments after putting them on because they are too big. She's still off the charts small but she seems so big to us!

She is getting quite good at holding her head up. The doctor said she was unusually strong and tested her neck strength several times to marvel at it. She also loves to practice standing with her strong legs.

She goes potty on demand. Or so it seems. (More on that later.)

She smiles. Beautiful wonderful little smiles. Tonight I had my hand on her chest while she was falling asleep. All of a sudden I noticed her chest was rising and falling unusually fast. I paid extra attention just in case she was having trouble. Then she smiled and softly vocalized with the rapid breath and I realized it was dreamy laughter! We're looking forward to more of those giggles. She also makes very serious faces and gets little worry lines on her nose and forehead. (She gets that from her mama.)

She goes to work at the church with me three days a week and spends most of the time there in my Moby wrap. On Sunday mornings, she sleeps comfortably through all the musical parts of the service and wakes up crying wanting to eat during the sermon. (Typical.)

This is her favorite place to sleep.

Night times are still tricky. She often likes to be awake at night. She doesn't much like the bed we have for her. She is getting a bit of reflux that many babies get around this age, so some nights (like last night) she is quite uncomfortable lying down, and the only way for her (and me) to get any sleep is for her to sleep on my chest. I don't mind sitting up with her until she feels comfy enough to fall asleep though. That's what I'm here for right now.

Her most exciting moment this month was meeting Granddaddy. I'd been looking forward to his visit ever since she was born! It was a wonderful weekend!

Happy two months, Luz.

Two months of motherhood. I'm still getting used to it.



One month of Luciana

Luci turned one month old on February 9. Let's see what I can remember.

We spent one week in the hospital. Three weeks at home. For the first two weeks at home I slept upright with her skin-to-skin on my chest. The hospital made us so paranoid about her temperature regulation that I didn't feel safe any other way. At three weeks old my back was killing me so we graduated to trying to get her to sleep in her bed! (We're still working on that.)

She also had her first bath just after turning one month old. We had put it off until her temperature problems were well behind us. She loved it.

She started waking up from her sleepiness and making eye contact.

We saw lots of dreamy smiles, the kind that are supposedly an endearing reflex to keep us from abandoning our babies. Or maybe she had lots of marvelous dreams about milk. Her most common awake face was her "oooo" face, with her mouth shaped into a perfect O. It was hard to capture, but this is kind of it:

Luci met her first family member! My niece came for a quick visit from college. It was great to see her.

We had lots of outings in her first month. I went back to work at the church when she was 3 weeks old, and also started going in to my office job once a week. We went to each of our doctors multiple times, and got together with some friends at the mall. We had several visitors and yummy meals from friends at our church. Mostly we stayed alone at home snuggling on the couch. It was pretty wonderful.