Roman and I have played our fair share of weddings together. We almost always enjoy it even though we are celebrating with strangers, and we can usually find some encouragement, conviction, and renewal in the witnessing of someone else's wedding. In the stress of it, we have also had some of our most childish fights on the way to the gig. One of them (many many years ago, of course) may or may not have ended with me throwing my sandwich at Roman and staining his tux with mustard. Not my finest moment.
Last night I happened to stay at work until around 1am, then I suffered from my usual lie-in-bed-for-two-hours-before-sleeping routine. When my alarm went off at 7:45, I wasn't too eager to obey it. But today's wedding was special. Not only did we have the honor of playing for the wedding of a friend from undergrad and various gigs, we were returning to the place we honeymooned. We were looking forward to going early, spending some time walking around the downtown area, visiting some shops, and having a nice lunch before heading to the wedding venue for our rehearsal.
Well... that was a great plan. Trouble was, after feeding the baby, finding something to wear (which can be its own struggle as we all know! I was searching my closet for something black and clean that fits well enough and wasn't too "concert" dress but not too casual, not too warm, and also conducive to nursing - I was completely dissatisfied with the only option I could seem to find!), dressing up the baby (is this dress dressy enough?), packing the diaper bag (what if she has a crazy day and needs 57 diapers?), blow drying my hair so at least one part of me could look decent (a complete waste of time due to the rain and humidity of the wedding venue), having breakfast, feeding the baby again... let's just say we didn't quite leave as early as we wanted to.
Did I mention I was tired? We may or may not have argued off and on during the 2.5 hour drive there. Mostly probably because I've been overworking this week and feeling pretty stressed. We also had some good conversation too, don't worry.Then once we arrived, it was rainy and the main street was crowded with cars. We spent a dreary half hour trying to decide where to have lunch, and finally settled on a place where we could have some clam chowder and scallops. It was lovely being back in Chatham though and lunch and the familiar scenery boosted my spirits.
The wedding was lovely and two of our good friends held the baby during our rehearsal and the ceremony itself so we didn't have to worry about Luciana. And as expected, even though we didn't agree with the theology of marriage presented in the wedding, the message still inspired us (me) to do better, convicted us (me) of my shortcomings, and reminded us of the importance of and joy in working on our marriage. The preacher talked about marriage being a device to show you your worst, and I heartily agreed! I think it can also show you your best, if you allow it.
It was really nice to make the switch from "gig" to "guest" - something we don't often get to do. The reception was fun and it was great to hang out with friends. Luciana took a nap just when it was time for dinner, which was excellent timing! We all three spent some time on the dance floor. I did not take a single picture, so you'll just have to believe me that Luci was plenty cute at her first wedding and on her first day wearing 3-6 month clothes.
The most fun part of the evening came when we were resting after dancing. Luci has been increasingly interested for the past few weeks in everything that I put in my mouth, and most especially my water glass. If she's eating and I drink water, she will stop and watch me intently until I'm done. Today as I was drinking with her on my lap, she grabbed the glass and pulled it to her mouth. I let her feel the cold and smooth side of the glass on her mouth. I drank again and this time she grabbed the glass with both hands and pulled the lip of it to her mouth and tried to lift it. I helped her get the water and she was very enthusiastic. The next time I tried to drink she wrested the glass and spilled it all over me! We've been waiting to start solid food until she shows her own interest, so this was just the sort of thing we were hoping for. When I would take the glass away from her she would start to cry a little in protest. It's fun to see her learn to communicate her desires.
When we got home I was about done feeding her and drinking my usual glass of water. She grabbed for my glass, so I cheerfully sat her up and let her have another little drink.
I've been thinking over these past few months about this journey of motherhood and how to make it my own. I've tried to be careful to let Luciana be who she is and how she is in every stage, and to just enjoy her in that moment. In life, in music, in everything, I struggle to not just race from task to task, note to note, finish to finish. It is hard for me to slow down my brain, enjoy the process, and savor each beautiful or difficult moment. I made a decision when she was born to let her teach me. Every day, every stage, every mood is beautiful because it is hers. And I enjoy it.
Have another sip of water, Luci. You're growing up so beautifully. I hope I am too.
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